


Viking Theater

by Uniasus



Category: How to Train Your Dragon (2010)
Genre: Gen, Humor, Norse Mythology - Freeform, Pre-Movie(s), Storytelling, Theater - Freeform, a winter's night entertainmnet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-15
Updated: 2014-04-30
Packaged: 2018-01-12 13:39:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1187307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Uniasus/pseuds/Uniasus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's a cold winter, and the people of Berk are getting bored. In an effort to prevent fights from breaking out, Stoick asks for the local teens to provide some entertainment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Not quite sure what his dad wanted, Hiccup hesitantly showed up in the mead hall when the sun just touched Berk's highest peak. He had been surprised the winter day was clear enough to see the sun at all, Berk winters weren't known for anything other than gray skies and no visibility.

The mead hall was packed, as it normally was during the winter. There was nothing to do during the season than gather and talk, and the hall provided the best place to do it. It also allowed for one to keep warm thanks to body heat. Viking homes, for reasons Hiccup had no idea about, were full of vaulted ceilings and empty spaces. It was impossible for a family to keep it warm all the time, but the hall was usually toasty enough were you could feel your fingers and toes.

Spotting his dad, Hiccup made his way to a corner by the portrait shields. Because of all the people between him and Stoick, Hiccup hadn't noticed that his peers were also standing around his dad. 

Hiccup should have known. Stoick was incapable of having a one on one with his son, but excelled at giving orders to group.

Astrid rolled her eyes as he approached. “Late again, Hiccup?”

He was right on time actually, but Hiccup suspected that he was the rare viking to actually be outside and doing things today. His, well he was hesitant to call them friends so let's say generation members, had mostly likely been in the hall since breakfast. Hiccup wasn't late, they were early. By hours.

Snotlout stuck a leg out for Hiccup to trip over and Stoick didn't bat an eye at his son's stumble. He just sighed in disappointment. 

“Now that you're all here, I have a suggestion to you. This winter is colder than most, I've never seen the hall this packed in years. Several vikings are sleeping here even when it's possible to walk through the snow through the houses.”

“I sleep outside in the snow.” Snotlout said, jabbing a thumb at his puffed out chest. Astrid and Hiccup both rolled their eyes, a rare moment in sync that caused a blush to grown on Hiccup's cheek. Thankfully, no one was looking at him.

“So we need a sort of entertainment,” Stoick continued, “and I was thinking you kids could put on plays of the old stories.”  
“That's a great idea!” Fishlegs held up a hand and started ticking off tales on his fingers. “There's Loki's children, Odin's debate with Vafthrundir, Balder's death, Frodi-”

“We're totally doing Ragnarok,” Tuffnut said.

“And I'm gonna be Odin, cuz I want to be swallowed up by a wolf.” His sister said.

Hiccup tried to inch away. This had bad idea written all over it. Sure, the vikings would enjoy the shows, and his peers would like the chance to act, but Hiccup just knew it would not be a good situation for him. He'd be bullied into the worse parts, forced to be subjected not only to daily harassment from these guys, but also take fake, but really real, punishments on a stage in front of the entire tribe. No thank you. He'd rather brush snow off the roofs to prevent them from caving under the weight. With his bare hands. 

“Perfect,” Stoick boomed. “I want to see a show tomorrow night.” He strode off, vikings making way for his girth.

Hiccup tried to sneak off in the opposite direction, but the twins blocked his way. 

“Where do you think you're going?” Astrid may have been behind him, but Hiccup could feel her glare and just imagine the jutted hip.

He sighed, there was no escape now. “I was just thinking of grabbing the eddas. You know, so we can reread the stories and get the details right.”

“No need, I have them memorized.”

“That's awesome, Fishlegs.” Hiccup dead-paned. There went his hope of being narrator. If Fishlegs knew all the stories by heart, it'd be his role.

This was going to be the worst winter ever.


	2. The Fenris Wolf

“Loki,” Fishlegs said as Astrid strode onto the stage, “and the giantess Angerboda,” Ruffnut walked on too, snow on her hat, “had three children. A son Jormungand, that's me,” Fishlegs pointed to himself, “and a daughter Hel.”

Fishlegs paused, waiting for 'Hel' to walk onto the stage but Hiccup was having none of it. Oh no, he was not walking out there in one of Fishleg's tunics, baggier than his normal clothes and long enough where he could trip on it. 

“And a daughter Hel.” Fishlegs repeated. With gleeful looks, Tuffnut and Snotlout shoved Hiccup on to the stage. He stumbled into view, just barely preventing a landing on his face. The vikings watching snickered and Stoick was shaking his head in shame. Hiccup's face turned red, and not wanting any more 'help' from his 'friends', hurried over to stand next to Fishlegs who took it as a cue to continue with the story.

“But the most fearsome child was the son Fenrir, known as the wolf.”

Tuffnut scampered into view on all fours with a growl. Berk didn't have wolves, but he had found a yak hide that he wore as a costume. Hiccup thought it looked very unrealistic, it still had the horns for Tyr's sake, but the rest of the tribe ooed and ahed at the costume choice. 

“It had been foretold that Loki's children would bring about the end of the world, so they were taken to Odin.”

Ruff shuffled Fishlegs, Hiccup, and Tuff towards Astrid, who was now wearing an eye-patch to play her role of Odin. She raised her hands to speak.

“Fate says you will bring evil to the gods, and I am not one to break fate so I will not order your deaths. Instead, you Hel are to be taken to Neflheim and receive those who die of illness or old age, those who do not die a glorious death of the Norsemen!”

Hiccup had no doubt that the entire tribe knew he'd be going to Hel and not Valhalla when he finally died. Unless for some reason he actually stood his ground against a dragon to fight it and die, instead of running away like he usually did. What could he say? He liked to live.

Acting out Hel's banishment, he fled stage right.

“You, serpent Jormungand, I hurl into the sea of Midgard!”

Fishlegs pressed his palms together and wove them back and forth in front of him. He walked to a corner with a hiss, still visible for a later narrator role. Oh how Hiccup envied him.

“Fenrir, you shall remain here in Asgard under the watch of Tyr.”

Snotlout strutted into view, chest extended and flexing his arms. He mocked throwing food at Tuff-as-Fenrir, and Tuffnut went from all fours to standing to symbolize his growth. Fishlegs took up speaking again.

“Fenrir grew quickly, in size and fierceness, so the Aesir knew they had to bind him. So they told him that in sport they wanted to test his strength against a chain.”

Ruffnut tied her brother's wrists together with a bit of string. Tuff broke it by pulling his wrists apart. Ruff repeated the action, and again Tuff broke free with a mighty growl.

“Fenrir broke the first chain, and then a second of twice the strength, so the All-Father had the dwarves forge a chain.”

Hiccup shuffled forward, still in Hel's 'dress', and holding up a curved Nightmare horn. Or rather, dragging a Nightmare horn because he couldn't actually lift it.

“This is Gliepnir,” he began in a monotone voice, but someone from the back of the mead hall shouted that they couldn't hear. Hiccup began again, voice pitifully thin as he raised the volume. “This is Gliepnir. The dwarves have made it with the sound of a cat's footfall, the beard of a woman, the roots of a mountain, a bear's sinew, bird spittle, and fish breath. It should be strong enough to hold the wolf Fenir.”

He said it fast, for this was his last bit in the play. As he started to shuffle off however, he was aware that the rest of the cast were glaring at him and Fishlegs wasn't saying the next line. Astrid tapped a finger on her hipbone and Hiccup realized he had forgotten a line.

“It's because we used these things to make the chain that they no longer found.” He speed mumbled the line and rushed off stage before anyone could say else wise.

Fishlegs, mercifully, took attention off his exit by continuing the story. “The Aesir took Fenrir to the island of Lyngvi in the lake Amsvartnir,” Ruff kicked at the back of her brother's knees. He fell harshly on all fours and was about to retaliate with a kick before Astrid intervened and mock led the party. Snotlout followed behind, having no trouble with the horn and slinging it easily over his shoulders. 

“Fenrir, you have broken two chains already.” Astrid All-Father said. “Do you agree to be bound with Gleipnir?”

“Only if one of you place a hand in my mouth.” Tuff opened his mouth wide.

“I, the might Tyr, second only to Thor, will do so.” Snot tried to stuff his fist in Tuffnut's mouth. It was too large, so he flattened his hand. 

Astrid and Ruff struggled for awhile, but eventually laid the Nightmare horn over Tuff's back to show Fenrir being chained. The blonde viking wiggled a bit and then bit down on Snot's hand. 

Actually bit, not just pretend like they had practiced.

What followed was fight between the two vikings. Ruff cheered for her brother, Astrid looked like she wanted to break it up but had no idea how, and Fishlegs screamed the rest of the narration at the top of his lungs to be heard over the audience members who were rooting for either Snotlout or Tuffnut. 

“Fenrir could not get free, and knowing the Aesir would not untie him bit off Tyr's hand! The Aesir thrust the end of the chain deep into the ground and stuck a sword between the wolf's jaws so he could not snap them! And so Fenrir remains bound until the end of the world, when he will swallow up Odin All Father and then be killed by Vidar!”

Hiccup was pretty sure only the front row of vikings heard Fishlegs finish the story, but it was a known ending anyway. He snuck out of the hall, well prepared to settle into his cold bed and thinking that the night had been so disastrous they wouldn't have to put on another play.

Unfortunately, another story was what everyone asked for over breakfast.


	3. The Birth of Sleipnier

“Tonight's story,” Fishlegs began, “Is a tale of one of the few times Loki helped the Aesir. When Midgard was new, the gods talked about ways to protect the world against giants. Help came from an unexpected place, a giant mason.”

Snotlout came onto the stage. He looked cold, which Hiccup supposed made sense. He had convinced his cousin that since he was playing an ice giant, he should have a costume full of snow. Snotlout had the twins dump several buckets on him just before he walked on, so the snow had filled every crevice it had found and was starting to melt. Hiccup hoped he got a cold.

“I am an incredible mason, and if you give me the goddess Freyja, the sun, and the moon, I will build you a stronghold in a year.”

Astrid walked on the stage, face wrinkled in disgust. “I am Freyja, and I will not be given to a giant who speaks promises and doesn't deliver.”

“Then you do not have to pay me my wages until I have completed my task. If the first day of summer comes and I am not done, I will leave without my prizes.”

Astrid sniffed in disdain and Hiccup came on saying his line. “I believe this is a good deal, Freyja.”

“Loki, you are a trickster and never help us. Why would you insist on the Aesir making this deal?”

“Because it isn't fair. I do not believe the giant will live up to his promise. He will do most of the work for us, and for free. It is too good an opportunity to give up.” Any other story, and Hiccup would love playing Loki. He had an affinity for the god and his clever schemes. 

Astrid-Freyja nodded and turned to Snotlout. “Mason, we accept your deal.”

Snotlout blew a kiss at Astrid who then fake gagged. 

A monstrosity entered the stage, a two person horse costume pulling along an empty barrel. The twins had draped a blanket over their backs and they walked head to head, with a tail painted over the end that hung over Ruffnut's rear and a one-eyed head on Tuffnut's part. Hiccup was embarrassed for his tribe as the audience seemed to think this was the best example of costume work in the world.

Fishlegs started his narration again. “The Aesir agreed to the deal, thinking the mason would fail to finish his task within a year. But the giant owned a powerful horse named Svadilfari who could place stones the size of mountains. Midgard's protection was growing rapidly, and Freyja was worried that she would be forced to be a giant's bride. There were three days to the deadline and the giant was almost done with the gate.”

Astrid started marching towards Hiccup. It was a familiar action and he quickly cowered before her. Astird, Frejya, the blonde teen was always someone intimidating. “Loki! It was you who wanted this deal and so it is you who will make sure we win! If you don't, I will see that the All-Father smites you.”

“I'll go.” Hiccup squeaked out to the laughter of the adults. 

He waited until Astrid was not in his face and then took two steps towards center stage before dropping to all fours. Fishlegs explained what was going on.

“Loki transformed into a mare, and every night before the deadline went out into the woods.”

Hiccup gave a pitiful whinny and galloped aka crawled towards center stage. 

“Svadilfari went after the mare every night.”

The twins made there way towards the center too. 

And then, came the really embarrassing part. The whole reason why when Astrid claimed Loki, and then when Snotlout had said Svadilfari, she quickly backpedaled and said she'd take Freyja's role. 

Tuff spread his legs, walking backwards until there was a calf on either side of Hiccup's hips. Ruff went to her knees, and then as once the twins swung forward and backwards to show just what Svadilfari, a stallion, had been doing to Loki-as-a-mare. 

Hiccup did his best to ignore the drunken whistles. Next play, he was hiding half the mead supply. 

“The deadline arrived and the giant mason was angry because he knew the Aesir had done something to distract his horse and make him loose Freyja, the sun, and the moon. In defense, Thor crushed his head with Mjolnir.”

Astrid, with the largest smile that Hiccup had ever seen on her face, brought her hammer down onto Snotlout's head. The clang of metal on metal rang throughout the hall and Snotlout fell over, knocked out. Astrid looked very snug. Hiccup wondered if he should start going around the village with a helmet on his head. 

“Uh...” Fishlegs trailed off with good reason, Snotlout had also been cast at Odin. Maybe he'd wake up before his part.

“Loki was stuck in the form of a mare until he gave birth to foal.”

Hiccup, at this point of the play, was to moan and groan as if giving birth, but he stoutly remained silent. Still, with everyone looking at him, he had to do something. He grabbed grabbed the twins by the hair and in a surprising show of strength shoved them to the other side of him.

If only such a physical feat would be one of the lasting memories of this performance. Hiccup knew Odin was not going to answer that prayer.

“The foal was Sleipnir, the eight legged horse that became Odin's mount.”

The twins dropped to their knees, heads even with each other, and Astrid came up to stand behind them. Snotlout was still out cold.

“Sleipnier is the worlds fleetest horse, and Odin rode him into many battles.”

Odin and Sleipnir ran off the stage to imitate the horses speed, but on two legs Astrid was much faster than the twins who had the disadvantage of not only being on all four, but also having their helmet horns tangled. 

Fishlegs bowed to the audience and Hiccup debated about dragging his cousin off the stage. 

Nah.


	4. The Founding of Zealand

“The goddess Gefjon, servant of Odin,” Ruffnut strolled on to stage. Astrid was miffed that tonight, the other female member of the group got to play the strong character. But she had filled most of those roles in the other skits and Ruff demanded a proper role. Hiccup would enjoy that fight for ages to come, Astrid rarely didn't get her way.

“approached the Swedish King Gylfi with a request.” Ruff stopped before her brother. Snotlout had easily given up the title as king for tonight because the only other male role was Gefjon's future husband and they had all drawn the line at the visual representation of the twins as a couple. 

“Give me all the land I can plow in a day.”

Hiccup face palmed. He doubted the goddess had been that direct and in the king's face.  
Tuffnut, it was obvious, had forgotten his lines and so instead of playing King Gylfi participated in the conversation as himself. 

“Oh yeah, why?”

“Cuz I'm a goddess, duh, and you give me gifts to make sure I don't destroy your puny kingdom.”

“Okay. I'll give you any land you can plow in a day.”

She nodded satisfied and then turned to look at Hiccup and Astrid who were standing off stage. “Oh ki~ds! Get over here.”

Astrid grumbled the entire time under her breath. “Why do I have to be a stupid ox? Why couldn't I have narrated this time?” 

Hiccup thought about pointing out the silver lining, she was an ox with him and not Snotlout, but decided not too. He was just happy to be this close to her without getting glared at. 

Fishlegs continued the tale, while Astird and Hiccup got down on their hands and knees to be hooked up to an invisible plow. “Gefjon turned her sons into a pair of oxen and plowed a great area of land. Finished, they took the land Gylfi gave her and moved it into the Baltic Sea. Water rushed into the missing space, forming Lake Malaren.”

Absently, Hiccup wondered just how big the lake was. No one on Berk had seen it, it was obviously somewhere on the Continent and he didn't know of a viking who had ever been there. Maybe Trader Johann. 

“Gefjon called the island Zealand, and to this day makes it her home with her husband, Odin's son Scyld.”

Snotlout started strutting onto the stage to take his place as Scyld, but to the surprise of the entire mead hall, Ruffnut instead pulled Hiccup up by the back of his vest and planted a kiss on his check. 

Hiccup wasn't the only one who sputtered.


	5. Treasures of the Gods

Hiccup was surprised that his wish to be Loki tonight was granted. It probably had to do with the fact Loki was the bad guy and didn't escape unscathed. As if giving birth to an eight legged foals wasn't tough enough. Poor guy. All that malice directed towards him, but he really was a good person. 

And tonight, being Loki gave Hiccup the great opportunity to touch Astird's hair. And more than that, cut it at her instance. Maybe he could keep a strand. 

No, that sounded too creepy. 

Astrid was sitting on the edge of the makeshift stage. Hiccup came up behind her, grabbed a hold of her hair, and cut through it at the band with a knife while Fishlegs narrated. "One day, Loki cut off Sif's hair."

Quickly, Hiccup pocketed a strand and then scampered out of the way of Snotlout who had pulled himself onto the stage to chase Hiccup. "How dare you touch Astrid's, I mean, my wife's-"

"Ahem?" Astrid said.

"Sif's, the wife of Thor, hair! Stop moving so I can crush every bone in your body!"

"Wait! Wait!" Hiccup put his arms up to protect his face from a punch, that was gonna bruise. "I'll get the dwarves to make her hair from gold that will grow like the real thing."

"How dare you touch her hair!" Snotlout continued screaming and Hiccup realized that yes, his cousin's obsession with Astrid might be as big as his. Just, a lot more violent.

Astrid ran over to them and began pulling on Snotlout's arms. "Snotlout, I told him he could!"

The twins were chanting 'fight, fight' and pretty soon the entire hall had joined in. Hiccup wasn't surprised to see his dad mime a fighting move, hoping to give his son advice but Hiccup was pretty sure he couldn't execute it. 

"Fishlegs! Come help me! And Hiccup, don't just stand there!"

Hiccup dropped to the floor, Snotlout over balanced, and at the same time Astrid gave him a push that sent the beefy viking face first into the floor in front of the stage. He was knocked out cold. Dang. They needed Thor later. Oh well, they already had Stoick playing Odin. Maybe Gobber could step up too.

Astrid whirled to stare at Hiccup, still crouched on the ground, and then carried on with the play. "Loki, if you can really get me such hair, go now." 

Hiccup jumped up as quick as an escaping Terror and ran over to the twins. He mimed a conversation as Fishlegs filled in the story.

"Loki went to the Sons of Ivaldi, two dwarves who were brothers. Not only did they make the golden hair for Sif, but also the ship Skidbladnir and the spear Gungnir. After seeing these treasures, Loki made a deal with the dwarf Brokk."

"I will give you my own head if your brother Sindri can make three more treasures as amazing as these."

"You're on!" Tuffnut said and Hiccup shook his hand. 

Tuffnut/Brokk and Ruffnut/Sindri made their way to the forge. Which was pretty much an empty mead barrel with one of Gobber's bellows on top of it. Ruffnut pulled out a boar's hide from behind the barrel and put on on top of the bellow. "Pump the bellows without stopping til I get back."

"Rodger."

"While Brokk worked the bellows, a fly landed on his arm and stung him." Ruff pinched her brother's arm. He yelped, but true to form didn't stop forcing air through the bellows. "When Sindri came back, he took the hide out of the forge and revealed a boar with golden bristles." Ruff pulled a lopsided collection of rocks out from behind the barrel. They weren't the best with props, but Hiccup had to give them credit for trying. 

"Next, Sindri put gold on the forge and gave his brother the same instructions." Ruff tossed yellow flowers on the bellows and Tuff continued to pump. "The fly came back, biting Brokk's neck twice as hard as the first time."

Again, Ruff pinched her brother. "Do it again!" Ruff did and Tuff laughed at the pain. True vikings, that pair.

"When Sindri came back, he pulled out the golden ring Draupnir from the forge. He then filled it with iron and told Brokk to blow until Sindri returned. The fly came back, settling on Brokk's eyes, where it bit his eyelids so blood ran down his face and blinded him."

"Try to make it bleed!"

"You got it bro!" Ruffnut stuck a finger in each of her twin's eyes. Tuff howled in pain and fell to the ground. 

"I said make me bleed, not blind me!"

"Oops?"

With the air of someone well used to it, Fishlegs simply continued the narrative. Hiccup supposed that one day in the future he'd get used to the twins' violent nature. As it was now, he didn't spend enough time in their company and he was glad for it. 

"Brokk let go of the bellow just long enough to swat the fly, and that was the moment when Sindri returned and declared that the work had almost been for nothing, but still removed from the forge an iron hammer. Sindri then gave the treasures to Brokk to take to Asgard to have his wager with Loki judged."

As Tuffnut was still rolling on the ground, Ruff slipped into her brother's place and gathered up the props for all six treasures. She still found the space to link arms with Hiccup without him noticing. "Let's go see if I win."

They made their way to the other side of the stage, were Stoick, Astrid, and Fishlegs replacing a still out cold Snotlout, were standing. 

"I, Odin, as well as Thor and Frey," Stoick pointed one finger at Fishlegs and then moved it to point to Astrid, "will judge this wager."

Hiccup took the props for the spear, hair, and ship from Ruffnut's arms. They were a stick, a piece of string, and a bit of sail cloth. 

"To Odin, I give you Gungnir, a spear that will never fail to hit it's mark." Hiccup gave his dad the stick. "To Thor, I give you golden hair for your wife." He gave Fishlegs the string piece. "To Frey, I give the ship Skidbladnir which the winds will always favor and can be folded up to fit in a pocket." Hiccup gave Astrid the sail cloth then bowed and stepped back.

Ruff looked from the items in her arms to the three 'gods', face blank. 

"Give my dad the ring, I mean the flowers." Hiccup said.

Ruffnut stepped forward and dropped the flowers into Stoick's hand. "This is yours."

Fishlegs took control. "Brokk gave Odin the ring Draupnir, which produced eight identical rings every nine nights. He gave Frey," Astrid waved her hands and then pointed at the lopsided rock pile until Ruff got the hint,"the boar Gullinbusti who could run through the air and over the sea faster than a horse and whose bristles were so bright there was never darkness where he was. Finally, Brokk gave Thor the hammer Mjolnir, which never dented no matter how hard it hit something, always hit its mark, returned to the hand of that who threw it, and could shrink to fit in a pocket."

The judging gods made a show of comparing the two treasures in each of their hands and then nodded at each other. 

"Even though Mjolnir's handle is a bit short, Brokk wins." Astrid announced. 

"Your head is mine!" Ruffnut shouted as she pounced on Hiccup. 

Hiccup dodged. "Gotta catch me first."

"Get him!"

This was Snotlout/Thor's cue to catch him, a task his cousin had been looking forward to but wasn't able to complete. Someone acted for him, he guessed Astrid, by throwing a rock at his head that knocked him out. At least, when he woke up the next morning in his bed, they hadn't actually acted out Loki getting his lips sown shut and then having the sinew ripped out.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh, be prepared for laughs. 
> 
> Also, all Norse info is/will be from the book Norse Mythology: Legends of Gods and Heroes by Peter Andreas Munch.


End file.
